The new generation – why we need to love them rather than raise them

How to reprogram our hearts to unconditional Love.

The ability to create a harmonious relationship with the new generation and to guide them from love comes first and foremost from our own ability to reflect on and show them what love is. Children learn from our behavior, from how we act, and from how we lead. They have an intuitive understanding of our life force, the flow that guides us through life.

What we need to be aware of as parents is our responsibility to support our children’s life force as the steering wheel of their lives, rather than “programming” them into believing that an external life force (such as our own) is controlling them. During my years as a parent, I sometimes found it difficult to be aware of my own ability to love, simply because love is limitless, and therefore I never knew when it was “enough.” That is, if love can ever be enough.

As parents, it is easy to allow conditional behavior and rules created by the mind (and often fear) to become the driving force in raising our children, simply because we want to “raise them well.”

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where conditional behavior entered the relationship with your child?

The fastest way to heal such situations is often simply to allow love to do the work. By describing two scenarios below, I wish to offer inspiration and tools for how love can enter your relationship with your children, and how you can remain present in unconditional love.

The Situations: Stress and Conflict and How to Resolve Them

Stress

In situations where you and your child experience distress, unconditional love is often replaced by worry or even control, as we try to resolve the situation as quickly as possible and in a specific way. Stress triggers cortisol, commonly known as the stress hormone, which activates the body’s fight-or-flight response.

This same pattern often appears in parenting, either through punishment (sending the child away) or escalation through arguments and power struggles. In these moments, fear, not love, becomes the driver.

Conflict

Disagreements between parents and children are natural and inevitable. The question is whether these conflicts drive us further apart, or whether we view them as opportunities to grow, learn, and understand our differences, boundaries, and emotional reactions.

Every conflict has the same answer: love.

By introducing affirmations or a simple reminder of wisdom the moment a situation begins to escalate, you can reprogram your response, shifting from fear to gratitude by remembering the wisdom of the heart.

The Answer: Surrender into Love

Sit with your child and, to the best of your ability, quiet the mind. Hold hands and breathe slowly. Allow your breathing to harmonize so your hearts can connect. In doing so, you become energetically connected through love. Close your eyes and visualize that you and your child are at peace. Imagine yourselves in a place filled with happy memories. By doing this, you allow love to heal the situation.

The Answer: Take a Time-Out (for yourself)

When you recognize that you are on the edge and the situation may escalate, take a time-out—not for the child, but for yourself. Giving a child a time-out can increase stress; giving yourself one allows you to return grounded in love rather than fear.

Reflect on love as the driving force of all life. Ask yourself:Is this a conflict between the mind and the heart?

To heal any situation, we must first remember that love is the source. Healing occurs when we give our power, attention, and actions to love rather than fear. It is only possible to heal any situation from love by remembering that love exists.

Dysfunctional human relationships often create patterns of self-centeredness, competition, and fear. As parents, we have the opportunity to change these patterns collectively, starting with ourselves. We can show the new generation that love is safe by validating our own intuition.

Intuition is our steering map through a landscape of chaotic emotions. We can only move through that landscape with love.

Many studies show that warmth in the parent–child relationship is associated with positive outcomes for children. Long-term research by Child Trends (1997) supports this understanding. I believe that all parents love unconditionally, yet society often encourages us to adopt unloving approaches through rigid ideas of “how,” “should,” and “can’t.” In doing so, we risk suppressing our intuition in favor of an external authority called society, doing the very thing we hope to prevent our children from experiencing.

When we focus on intuition, where our hearts connect, truth becomes accessible in any situation.

After all, how can we justify teaching the new generation conditional love, when unconditional love is all there is?